I Sinned Deliberately Again! Has God Abandoned Me?

Question from a Site Viewer
For some time, I have been in a state of rebellion to God. It happened on a night when I was feeling very good about my relationship with God, but then fell to the temptation to masturbate with sexual thoughts. Doing this immediately hardened my heart, and opened the floodgates to lust that I could not, and would not, control. I sinned deliberately and intentionally. It was sin that was a mockery to God; I arrogantly thought that I would just commit then sin then ask for forgiveness and everything would be cool. The really pathetic part is that I thought I had already learned my painful lesson about doing this, but I guess the lesson was lost on me. Recently I read a work by John Bunyan called The Strait Gate, or Great Difficulty of Going to Heaven. There was a section that talked about how there is a false form of faith and a false form of repentance, that is often indistinguishable to even mature and discerning Christians, that leads the majority of people who profess Christ into hell. It seems that the only real difference is that only genuine repentance causes the person to hate sin because it is sin, not because it causes us pain or difficulty (I guess godly sorrow vs. worldly sorrow). The idea that the majority of people professing to be Christians, who may sincerely think they’re following Christ and show many evidences of salvation, yet be self-deluded and lost, is very disturbing to me. Yet Jesus Himself said that we are to strive to enter in and that only a few will be saved. I want to love God with all my heart, live a life of sincere holiness with Jesus, and repent, turning away from everything bad, not grievously sinning against the Lord like I have in the past week, but I now seem stuck where I’m at. I feel like my faith has evaporated and I cannot find it again. Has God abandoned me?

Tim’s Answer
Thank you for taking the time to describe your thoughts. First, in answer to your question, even though you say, “I sinned deliberately,” I can confidently say that God has not abandoned you. Jesus taught us that God is the shepherd who goes searching for lost sheep and rejoices more over one sinner who repents than over 99 who need no repentance (Luke 15). When we were enemies, Jesus died for us (Romans 5:10). His great desire is for people to repent and turn to Him (Ezekiel 18:32; 33:11). The long history of God with Israel is given to us so that we might learn about God. And what we see is that with Israel’s departure from God, God sent prophets early and often for hundreds of years before He finally turned them out of the land of Israel (2 Chronicles 36:15-16), and even then He promised to go with them into captivity (Ezekiel 11:16). God still has His arms open to welcome each of us back. His heart is mercy and He extends His mercy freely to those who turn to Him.

What you describe, thus, is not God abandoning you. Rather, what you describe is you abandoning God. Your feelings are common among those who turn away from the true living water and seek satisfaction in the recesses of sin. We tend to blame everyone but ourselves, including God. But our sin is not God’s fault, and our rebellion is not because He has failed to give us a heart of regeneration. He has given us all things that pertain to life and godliness through the knowledge of Jesus Christ (2 Peter 1:3). But it is our responsibility to add to faith virtue, and to virtue knowledge, and to knowledge self-control, and to self-control patience, and to patience godliness, and to godliness brother kindness, and to brother kindness love (2 Peter 1:5-7). If we do this, we will grow in Christ, be fruitful, and have a banner entrance into heaven itself (2 Peter 5:8-11). This is Christianity 101.

Paul aptly describes what you have experienced in Romans 6. Sin begets sin. Sin darkens the heart and turns us away from the Savior. Sin entices and entraps and enslaves us. And sexual sins can be particularly powerful. I believe it was the sexual aspect of Baal that so often led Israel away from God. The book of Proverbs describes the one who goes to a harlot’s house as one who is foolish and who is descending the steps to hell (Proverbs 7:6-27). I have longed thought that this is an apt portrayal of those who entertain pornography and other sexual sins. Those who partake are like oxes going to the slaughter, or a foolish person going to be shackled (Proverbs 7:22). There is an attraction in sex that is natural and healthy, and God-given. But the attraction can be highjacked easily by undisciplined minds to become enslavement and death. If we do not exercise control of our minds, we will find that we are thinking constantly about sexual perversions and spending no time worshiping God, loving God, and loving others.

Therefore, my urge to people is not to go there. Reserve sex for marriage. Take sexual desires to God and talk to Him about them, asking for His help to remain or regain purity. Engage the battle of the mind to control the thought-life. Actively replace impure thoughts that may invade the mind with thoughts of Christ, His Word, or His work. I have found one of the most effective ways to overcome such temptations that come into the mind is to use them as triggers to praise God or pray for others. They become reminders, like alarm clocks in the mind. When the thought comes in, it reminds me that I should praise God or pray for another person. Thus, I find that these evil temptations can be redeemed into something good.

Such practice also does something else in my thinking. If Satan is behind the thoughts, he will learn that the temptations he is sending is working for the furtherance of the kingdom. And if it is simply my mind behind the thoughts, using such flood of thoughts as a trigger to pray and praise begins the process of transforming the mind. The more we praise, pray, memorize Scripture, and think about our great Savior, the more those pathways in the brain get strengthened and the pathways of destructive thoughts get weakened. I do not know if we ever totally escape bad thoughts coming in, but when we recognize such as temptations to destructive thinking and we deliberately choose to praise and pray instead, we give no room for those thoughts to fester and lead us astray.

Sinful acts come from sinful thoughts. The battle must be won in the mind. Our God has given us the ability to be strong and win this battle. But it is always our choice.

My encouragement to you is to cease being angry with God. He is on your side! He is for you! Rather, draw near to Him and He will draw near to you (James 4:8). Understand what has happened. You have done the same thing Israel did. You have allowed sexual thoughts to become perverted and to lead you away from your God. As God said to Israel, return to your God and He will forgive (Hosea 14:1-4). He will be the father of the prodigal son who will meet you while you are still a long way down the driveway.

I know that it may take some time before you feel again the closeness that you first felt when you were with Him. But if you persevere with God, you will find that what you first experienced with Him will be only a shadow of the ever-increasing joy and peace you will have in abundance as the Spirit is poured into your heart. The walk with Christ is the most incredible experience on this earth. Pursue Him with your will, your heart, your life; with everything that you have. If you do so, you will find life itself.

And, if I may add, there are times in the future when you may fall again. Learn to keep short accounts with God. When you fall into sin, do not stay there for a moment longer. Do not fall into the thought pattern that God does not want you back. He came to save sinners. And He Himself was tempted like us so He understands and knows our weaknesses (Hebrews 2:17-18; 4:14-16). This is why Jesus intercedes on our behalf all of the time (Romans 3:34; Hebrews 7:25). So, learn the truth that when we fall, we can immediately return to Christ, ask for forgiveness, and start from that moment onward to seek to live for Him. James tells us that we all stumble in many ways (James 3:2). Sin is not the end of life. But it will lead to the end of life if we do not repent. Thus, keep short accounts. Let sin not rule a second longer than it does. Return and seek God always, immediately. And then, strengthen one’s heart towards God and avoid occasions that lead to sin. Paul tells Timothy to flee from them (2 Timothy 2:22).

May you find the God of mercy and grace to be rich in pardoning and may you find His embrace warm and awe inspiring as you practice the humility of repentance and worship.

one who has experienced His great forgiveness,

tim

36 thoughts on “I Sinned Deliberately Again! Has God Abandoned Me?

  1. Daisy

    Hi Tim, I have similar problem above, I don’t want to have sexual desire, and I know it is very wrong. But sometimes I cannot control myself and watch pornography. Father would give me some punishment after I surf pronography website so as to give me an lesson. I always pray that I can be delivered from sexual temptation but sometimes I fall and I sin again. I am extremely disappointed about myself and I have the thought that Father loves me so much but I am still that sinful, I really don’t deserve his forgiveness again….

    Reply
    1. samkeliso

      God forgives those who truly repent. Pray asking for forgiveness and strength. He won’t give up on you, so don’t give up on him

      Reply
    2. Scott

      Hi Daisy,

      The sexual desires in you are not the sin; the sin is when you let the lust of your eyes and the lust of your flesh yield to something outside of marriage. Sexual immorality is everything outside of marriage. If we didn’t have sexual desire we would be like animals that mate out of instinct. However, we can’t make this an idol above God. I remember when women were my god, and all I ever got was pain from them. I think this is a good lesson to learn: if we put romance, intimacy and sexual desire first it won’t work, but these are good gifts from God. Futhermore, what did Jesus say? “Seek His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you!”

      Reply
  2. Lily

    Daisy,

    The counsel above is very good. This is a difficult battle. There are women’s support groups, such as Celebrate Recovery which may be helpful. Nuturing your Christian friendships may help, as well.

    God is extremely patient. He understands our frame amd remembers that we are made of dust. Don’t give up on yourself, because God has not given up on you. With each temptation, God offers a way of escape. Look for it.

    Pray for God to guard your heart and mind each day. When bad thoughts come in, stop them and call on the Lord to remove them.

    Sometimes thoughts or images will appear in my mind out of nowhere. This is often a flaming arrow from the enemy. Call out to Jesus and ask him to bind satan and to remove the images.

    Reply
  3. Marvin

    God abandoned me., when I turned backed at him, and when I came back I was full, then time pass by, I kept making the same mistakes in life like sinning again and again., and now god became silent., I feel alone, I kept praying asking for something and still god kept his silence., I starting to doubt that GOD are for the righteous and not the sinners., I think GOD only gives to those who are faithful and not to those who are trying to be faithful to him.

    Reply
    1. Gabriel

      Marvin,
      I was reading Psalm 77 today and I think it would help you. Just like the psalmist Asaph, I too have had moments where I wonder if God has forsaken, left, or rejected me. I would suggest that you remember all that God has done for you, what He has done in Holy Scripture, and what He has done in the lives of the saints. I would also suggest you read the book Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners by John Bunyan. He struggled with doubts for 7 years and was delivered! Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you(James 4:8).

      Reply
    2. Van

      I always hear that when God is in silence, when he doesn’t answer your prayers, or don’t give you any sign, it does NOT mean he forgot you or abandoned you, it means he is working toward you, or sometimes he is testing your faith, but NEVER think he abandoned you. 🙂

      Reply
    3. Travis

      “They say, ‘If a man divorces his wife,
      And she goes from him
      And becomes another man’s,
      May he return to her again?’
      Would not that land be greatly polluted?
      But you have played the harlot with many lovers;
      Yet return to Me,” says the Lord.
      Jeremiah 3:1
      I literally just deliberately sinned against God, and earlier today. Don’t think of your feelings as a greater indicator than God’s very word about Himself. Keep returning, keep asking, keep seeking, keep knocking. This is not just encouragement. This is the message of the God-head, and his ways, thoughts, and timing are not ours. Now, time for me to go confess to the Lord. Praying for you!

      Reply
    4. Synthia

      When I read your post, it immediately got me to the song “Silence” by Anthony Evans. Sometimes it requires more faith to believe that God is there even though you can’t “hear” Him. It is during that time that we build patience and endurance. Jesus says “ask and it shall be given unto, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be open” but a lot of the time, I find myself asking, seeking and knocking – looking for an answer in MY time, i.e. immediately but God doesn’t work like that. Jesus talked about the parable of the persistent widow who just wouldn’t let this judge alone until she got the justice she needed. God wants to see us like that persistent wido, constantly asking and seeking Him through prayer and His word.

      Reply
      1. Synthia

        I also wanted to add that the best way to get rid of doubts like this is to combat with what Jesus said. Jesus is not a liar. He wouldn’t be God otherwise, therefore what He says is true. Jesus said: “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” He promised that. Hold on to that promise and repeat it until you believe it. Combat what the Devil or your wayward thoughts say with “The Voice of Truth”.

        Reply
  4. Emonie

    Hello I’m 16 I was always struggling with strong sexual desires I used to feel guilty and convicted after masterbation and watching pornography but lately , and I’m disappointed to say I could do it with ease. I need help I love God I know I do and I know I want to be with him. I need help on how to soften my heart and get closer to God and build up my faith in him sometimes I make it so hard when I first got serious about being saves it was so overwhelming where to start especially on how to fix my problems I need help. Please someone help me get closer to God and soften my heart so I truly stay away from my sins and feel Jesus again.

    Reply
    1. Johnny

      Emonie I’m Johnny. I was reading this right after I fell into the same sin because I felt disgusted with myself. But seeing how you struggle with the same thing, I think we should pray for one another and for all the community of pornographic sinners to overcome this. Tim gave sound advice and I’m going to try once more to get back up again into the arms of Christ. I’ll start praying again and I’ll pray for you as well because besides God, we all need someone to lean on once in a while. Cheers to one more try.

      Reply
    2. samkeliso

      I also have the same problem and i’m 16 too. If you want to be closer to God though, strengthen your relationship with God in your own way. I like to believe we are all different and so we have different relationships with God. Pray in your own way for example singing out your prayer if you’re as passionate about music as me. Have your own kind of relationship with God. That’s what I’m trying

      Reply
  5. aliyah

    I share the same short coming as most of you. In my relationship with my fiance, with myself. I found myself leaving church twice, but the last time I left, when I came back I felt as though I did not receive that welcome home from God, only silence. It has been about 4 months or maybe even more. My heart has been hardened to the point that I know my sin is wrong but at the same time I get this “whatever” feeling. When I got the strength to try and read the word and pray, God was still silent. I cry out to God asking for forgiveness, asking for a new heart, asking for something and still till this day I got nothing. I dont want to live this way, I want to be the person God wants me to be but I cant take the silence, my soul needs…

    Reply
  6. Mark

    I found this because I Googled…”I have abandoned God.” I have been having a severe crisis of faith. Well, really my whole life. I do struggle with sin and I am battle all sorts of doubt. I get confused about many things.

    I always knew about Hebrews 6:4-6 and in my heart I know it applies to me. Over a decade ago I had let my friends uncle (who is a very devout Christian fundamentalist) know I have struggled with faith. He wrote to me and pretty much let me know that it is impossible for me to be saved. He wrote a letter and quoted bible verses, including that one.

    My health is starting to fail me, and fear has been growing in me. I know what I writing is not helping. What I can tell you is I understand.

    continued……..

    Reply
    1. Brian Lord

      I doubt he left you..I struggle with pornography even when I know it’s wrong and sometimes I question God’s forgiveness and I get scared that he won’t forgive me but the Bible says otherwise, he also said with Christ/God all things are possible, with our own strength you can’t exactly accomplish overcoming sin at the same time he says that with temptation there is a way of escape. Now the fact that we fear our sin is too much but want to escape it makes me think that you doubt God’s forgiveness but that desire to change to serve God I’m sure can only come from God..Escape and cut off your sinful materials like trashing your computer, get a text/call only phone, give up game systems that have internet, boring yes but better than hell.

      Reply
      1. Brian Lord

        I’m no professor but I have studied around Hebrews 10:26 and 6:4-6 and I believe it is talking about hardening your heart with no desire to repent and come to God and making a permanent and final decision to stay in your sin and totally give up on God completely, literally no care to ever change..The fact that you fear you hurt God too much and wish to change makes me think God is working on us, the more you draw near to him by removing all things that lead to sin and do what the Bible says to do and not “enough to get by attitude” he will draw near to you, as you progress in his word your spirit will grow and that “silence” will get louder..But don’t go based on not “feeling” the Holy Spirit, but know he will never leave or…

        Reply
  7. Mark

    I also know it says ALL things are possible with God. I just wish I could believe and be at peace. Of course I also know I will always struggle with sin. From immorality to pride and everything in between.

    The fact that you are on this site and posting tells me you are seeking mercy and your repentance if you will is real. I see it as a sign. If our hearts were so hardened to the point of utter refusal, I do no think we would be expressing our sorrow in such ways.

    I even might believe that the Holy Spirit may have led me here to express this and for me read your post.

    I do not know. What I do know is it is worth seeking . I will pray for you and I hope you will do the same for me.

    Reply
  8. Chad Fisher

    It is a mistake to think that your sin has power over God’s decision to be with you. What do I mean? I mean that God doesn’t base His decision to be with you on whether or not you sin (intentionally or not), instead God bases His decision to be with you because He loves you, you are His child created in His image.

    Reply
  9. BrightLight

    This is exactly what I’m going through. I give in easily at the time of test. And at times when I’m down I’ve asked God if he has abandoned me because of my wrong doings. I read this and I’m reminded of Jesus Christ’s effort to save us.
    Pray for me that i may turn away from the sexual and material desires of this world. To be reminded always of God’s promise. To have a faithful heart always. Thank you.

    Reply
  10. Gloria Metayer

    Thank you so much for printing this article. It has been so helpful to me in my struggle not to fall into that temptation any more. Please pray for me and email a support group I can join.

    Thank you

    Reply
  11. Ben White

    I can relate 100% to this post. I fell into porn and it led me to a place I never thought I would go. It took me over 2 years to repent of a really bad sexual act I did. I finally confessed to a pastor and to some others but I never felt God’s kindness drawing me to repentance, only a strong sense of condemnation. Now, after confessing and repeatedly asking God for forgiveness, I still feel unforgiven. Sometimes it seems like a battle between 1st John 1:9 and those warnings in Hebrews.

    Reply
    1. Magnus

      You say you “feel” unforgiven? What does the bible say? I am so sad when I see christians base their faith on their feelings and not on the Word of God. Your job is to renew your mind in Christ (Romans 12:2). You cannot do that if you rely your mind (beliefs) on your feelings. Believe John 1:9!!

      Reply
    2. Magnus

      That Hebrew verse does not apply to you because you are asking God for forgiveness. If your heart truly was hardened then you would not care what Hebrews said on the matter.

      Reply
  12. Scott

    Okay brothers and sisters, I am hearing people believing lies about themselves and I am one who struggles as well. It’s all from you know who, Satan. I found a really useful idea with this. Go through the Bible and list on the names associated with Satan. I will give you some: The Dragon (the persecutor), the accuser (he condemns), the serpent (he deceives), the adversary (he is against us), the evil one (he is entirely evil), the Father of lies (he lies), the thief that comes to seek, kill and destroy (he robs your peace and anything else good and aims to destroy you). Are you getting the picture? Now go and find all the name attributes d to God, and behold see the difference!

    Reply
  13. Emma

    The same thing happened to me, but I don’t feel all that guilty. I think it was just my lust clouding my thoughts, and I ignited and even tried to forget about God while I sinned. I wanna go back-but the sun has clouded my perception and I don’t know what’s going on anymore. Wether I feel guilty or not, having Love for God or not, please help.

    Reply
  14. Guy with Glasses

    Help , im struggling in a very wrong and sinful cycle , i have addicted to porn and cant just get away with this , i prayed to God many times but i failed , i do the same exact thing (porn) and repeating all of it till i realize it makes a very wrong cycle of death , i want to stop it , what should i do ?

    Reply
  15. Esther

    This post had just strengthen me.. I fail into sexual immorality and I thought I God would never forgive me, I was angry at myself and angry with people around me… (sorry for my poor English, ain’t much of a writer)..
    But after reading this post especially the comment which says that God can forgive me even than 490 times in a day was awesome.. Now I have my strength back… Glory to God.

    Reply
  16. Peter

    I think all the men here need a wake-up call. God does not want SINLESS people. The purpose of His Truth and Mercy is not to make people without sin, but to charge people with the deeds they have done so that they may see themselves and then DESIRE to go forth in sinlessness. “For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.” – John 3:17

    Christ came for the liars, the deceivers, the defilers, the perverted, the promiscuous, the backsliders, the lazy, the unrighteous, and those who have hated their brothers. Accept that you are these things. Then, make a covenant with God, that He will bless you because you decide to fill the emptiness with His destiny for you rather than…

    Reply
    1. Brian Lord

      Amen, he didn’t die for the sinless but the sinners and it says Paul is the chief of sinners and if that means he was the greatest sinner and even he was forgiven and we fall below him on the charts then yeah if we seek forgiveness and repent we will be forgiven! The fear is from Satan, the desire to change and seek God is from God..These post say they fear God left them because of sinning but the fact that they are asking on here tells me they feel bad and seek his forgiveness which is conviction and conviction comes from the Holy Spirit; that’s what I feel is going on.

      Reply
  17. Mazda Meardo

    I found this site because of my state of having sin to God. But I don’t know what to do, I tried to even punish myself, but it did not be the solution. Then, what shall I do so that God may forgive me? I want to be happy in God’s love…

    Reply
    1. Charles

      Same, I did the exact same thing. I like the idea the other guy had before, that was to pray for one another. It sucks to see myself go through this especially when I feel like I have to meet expectations for others, but there’s only one person I have to meet the expectation for and it’s the Savior. I’m happy to pray for you all, I hope that we can overcome this mountain and find God’s love again.

      Reply
  18. Magnus

    People on this site need to know the love and mercy of God!! I write this even after I just sinned. Why? Because its not about my own effort how “good a christian” i am. Its about how good christian JESUS was. Why? Because if you truly believe on Jesus you inherit HIS righteousness!!

    Reply
  19. Toris

    I have struggled with this sin as well many years in my life… I am a believer in The Lord Jesus Christ. I would like to suggest attending a fellowship where the Word of God is being preached and teacher do plain that a child can understand. It is The Word of God that is going to deliver you.

    Reply
  20. Philip

    . It is so important to understand that the regret and disgust we feel when we sin is because of the purity in us ie. The Holy Spirit who lives in us to those who believe and trust the Lord Jesus as their Saviour. Satan uses that purity to condemn us . Jesus never condemns but convicts . He is LORD.

    Reply

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