I was reading the testimony that was posted on this web site, and “awesome” is the word that comes to my mouth and my mind. I just think about how I was and just how God saved me, and my God is an AWESOME God! I Love Him so much for everything that He has done. I thank Him that He has saved you, to the uttermost. We have a saying in our church here in Oak Harbor; I am sure that it’s in many other ones as well. Here it is: God saves from the guttermost to the uttermost! I thank Him for that!
See, I was the same way. I grew up in the church and started to live a double life. I lost my virginity at a young age and I told myself that maybe there really wasn’t any hope for a girl like me because of what I have been through. I mean there were so many things that I had questions about that God hadn’t answered in a way that I thought that He should have. From the time I was a little girl, I saw demons and I knew that not only God is real, but so is Satan and his evil minions as well. I knew I was to be called to something greater, but I just couldn’t see it with the way I lived my life. I would always hope for someone to call me out, for God to come from heaven and tell me to stop. That was my deep down desire, outwardly though, I was a mess.
I told everyone that I hated God and that He meant nothing to me anymore, and then one day the cops stopped me and I almost got arrested for being outside past curfew, I was also with a bunch of gang members as well and they weren’t doing any good outside either, they thought I was a part of the bunch. I might as well had been because I had a boyfriend in the bunch, but they let me go and I went home in handcuffs. That got me straight for about 2 years and then I joined the Navy.
I got away from everything familiar and I started to do my own thing. I started sleeping around first, in boot camp and then after that in Corps School. I didn’t get drunk because I was only 18 at the time, but man, AS SOON as I hit 21 I bought my alcohol and in less than 2 months I became an alcoholic. By this time I had been raped and I was depressed and I just didn’t want to deal with life and all that it offered. I didn’t want anything to do with God either. My double life taught me to deny Him and His power, so by then I started to believe the lie that He couldn’t help me anyway, and if He could He must not want to because He hadn’t already rescued me (I just didn’t remember what He did for me on Calvary).
Alcohol was my way out. Being in the military scared me too much for me to use drugs, but when I had a prescription, believe me, I was going to town with that and alcohol. Being raped didn’t scare me straight, it just made my symptoms worse, I slept with every man that I could for as long as I could to try to erase what happened to me and whoa… what a mistake. All this just made the long journey to God a little shorter. I tried to change my life, it didn’t work. I would go back and forth to church and no real relationship with God, then I would run back into the arms of the ones who didn’t love me, just used me.
By the time I was 22, I was fed up with all of it. Life, God, men, alcohol, the military… so there was a road at PSNS… the base where I lived at, that had trucks running on it on a regular basis. I thought I’d run right into one on my way to hell. I told God to take His hand off my life, that I was through with everything I knew, and that it was time to die. I knew I wouldn’t turn around enough to please Him and I didn’t want to try and then in the end fail Him anyway, so I decided to just die. The trucks had been coming on a regular basis so, I decided to go down. I ran to the street and a truck just had past and from where I was I saw one on its way but it never came. This was not usual because there were no buildings to drop off at an earlier point, so where had the truck been? I turn around to see what was going on, and then the truck passed by. So I went back to the point I was. I was angry again, and I reminded God what it was that I demanded of Him at the moment. I went back to try again, this time, no trucks came by from either point.
So, I said fine, I will just starve myself to death. As many options as I had, I chose that one. The next day was the start of my fast for the end of my life and by the end of the day I was hungry. I went to Subway and then to the resource center to eat . . . wow . . . got there and God met me there. I was trying so hard to avoid Him but He was EVERYWHERE! There was a man who was playing he piano and I knew He was a Jesus Freak. I went up to him with no intention of even talking to him and he ended up bringing me back to my first love. While we were praying, God, as awesome as He is, made me feel like the woman who broke and poured her alabaster box on Jesus’ feet. And as I was praising Him in the prayer, God told me that the man who was praying for me would be my husband. I told God He was crazy, that I wasn’t going to have that, that I didn’t want to, but, He knew better than I did about that kind of stuff and I told Him “yes” to His will. Eight months later we married and it’s been almost 5 years with the same man who heard all about the sinful woman I was and is still standing by me to this day. He is the worship leader at our church and I sing on the team and am involved in many ministries within the church.
I love My God and I wouldn’t trade Him for the world. Not for possessions, or for my husband whom He gave me in the first place. How great is our God. He can turn a dirty wretch into a beautiful God chaser! I love You Lord!