Are you unhappy? Are you looking for something to fill your innermost being that gives you happiness? Read how someone else found happiness – a happiness that was obtained by finding out something about God she never knew before.
I am the youngest of seven children. My parents were faithful in taking our family to a Christian church on a regular basis. But my father passed away when I was six, leaving my mother to care for us. My mother, bless her heart, worked hard to fill the void he left, and she did well, but I missed my Daddy dearly. Spiritually – I am very thankful for the Christian exposure I received in my childhood. Even though I eventually strayed from God after making a profession of faith to Jesus Christ at age 13, I still had some knowledge of right and wrong, which kept me from straying even farther than what I did.
In my teens and early twenty’s, loneliness held a grip on me. In my ignorance of the ways Satan leads one away from Jesus Christ, I began to look for peace and happiness with the party crowd. After all, they looked “happy.” I began frequenting bars and places where I could drink and dance. I thought if I hung out at these places long enough, I might meet the right man – the man of my dreams. A man who would take away my loneliness and give me a purpose in life I had not yet experienced. Along with meeting men came alcohol, drugs and sex.
It all came with the package. I soon discovered that “happiness” became an illusive term. The few times I was happy did not make up for most of the time I was miserable. Somehow, I seemed to attract men who simply wanted to use me for their own selfish purposes. These relationships only brought hurt and pain and rejection when these men were finished with me. Little did I realize that having sexual intimacy with a man, and hinging an entire relationship on sexual fulfillment is one of Satan’s greatest tools for leading people into relationships for the wrong reason.
Tired of Being Rejected
At age 26, miserable beyond description; tired of being left and rejected; tired of not having a man to give love to and receive love from that had any lasting duration – I came to the realization that my life was going nowhere. Ever get that feeling? It’s an ever-present feeling that makes you wonder why you’re here on earth. Why can everyone else be happy, but not me?
It was around that time that my thoughts began to drift to an old girlfriend I had partied with in the past. I wondered if she was still happy. We had always been close, until she became one of those “fanatic” Christians. Her life had changed dramatically, and although she was happy, I just felt she was too religious to hang around anymore. So I willfully lost contact with her for six years. On one particular evening I began watching a Billy Graham crusade on TV and reasoned in my mind: Even though she is religious, she can still be my friend, can’t she? I was lonely for companionship. The next evening I was at a bar (typical of me on a Friday night) and I went to a pay phone to give her a call. She was glad to hear from me.
We talked, reminiscing over old memories, and catching up on friends from our past. Our conversation ended by her saying she would call me back again soon. Two weeks went by and she didn’t call. Finally I decided I’d call her one last time, and if she couldn’t make plans for us to get together, I’d just forget her. So I called. Fortunately for me, she was there, and toward the end of our conversation she invited me to a young people’s potluck gathering being held at someone’s home that was being sponsored by her church. After we hung up, I began thinking: ‘I need a change’ Why not? What would it hurt?
During the gathering, I sat there staring at these beautiful people. There was a glow about them I had never seen on anyone. Their faces radiated peace and joy, and their words were so gentle and kind. Later on in the evening many of them were asked to testify of how they had entered into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and how it had changed their life for the better. Each of them gave glory to God for doing it all, because it was not of their own doing. It was God doing it through them by His Holy Spirit, they said.
Two weeks later I decided to surprise my girlfriend by showing up unexpectedly at her church. When I arrived, I found she wasn’t there because she had to work that night. But there were many faces I recognized from my old party days, and I loved being there that night. From then on I started attending that church and eventually gave my whole life to Christ. I asked Him to not only be my Savior, but also be Lord of my life, which is what I neglected to do at age 13. Lordship, I was soon to learn, was not obtainable without having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
Peace and Joy
The loneliness and lack of peace I had experienced before began to leave. It was replaced with peace and joy I know now only Jesus can give. I found myself surrounded with a whole new set of friends, and the loneliness was also replaced with the hunger and thirst I now had to grow in Christ. I came to realize that no man could give me what I really stood in need of, which was the peace and security of knowing who I am in Christ Jesus. Whether I live or die, I know I have eternal life in Him, and through Him. Jesus Christ is my closest friend. Problems and suffering drive me to Him – not away from Him. And He always rescues me. His Spirit always comforts me.
Since I have decided to seek my Heavenly Father and please Him through this personal relationship with Jesus Christ, by being obedient to His commands in the Bible, He has been so faithful in my life in adding those things that I had so deeply desired within my heart. One of those desires was to marry a man, someone who loved Jesus Christ more than he loved anyone or anything else, including myself. I wanted someone I could share Christ with – not about.
It has been many years now since I made my decision to live for Jesus and several of those years have been with the man who God so faithfully and lovingly gave to me to be my husband. I can honestly say I never knew how precious and fulfilling a relationship with a man could be when Christ is the center of each of our lives. I thank God so much for His faithfulness in answering my prayers for a godly man. It is through this marriage that I am learning to depend and trust more in Christ to meet my every need, because my husband can never meet them all, nor can I meet all of his.
Even though I knew this before I had a husband, I am learning that even with a husband, Jesus Christ wants me to be totally dependent and trusting in Him to meet all of my needs. When I do this, there is no leanness in my relationship with God or in my marriage. It takes the pressure off from my husband in asking him to do things he is not capable of doing.
I take great comfort in knowing that God is faithful to complete that which He has begun in me through my personal relationship with Jesus Christ my Creator. (You may want to read Philippians, Chapter 1, for a clarification of this statement).
For those of you who have a lack of peace, who fear dying, have something missing, who have no real meaning or purpose in life, or experience loneliness and sense a lack of motivation – I delight in saying that Jesus Christ desires to come and fill those voids in your life. But it requires that you let Him have total control of your life. That may seem scary or threatening to some people, but it shouldn’t. The Bible says Jesus Christ is the One who made you. (See John 1: 1- 14 for Scripture reference).
Thank you and God bless you for letting me share my heart with you. If this has touched you in any way, please don’t go on in life without searching for answers to your questions. My questions brought me to see and realize that only Jesus Christ is the answer to all of my needs. I never knew I could be so free within myself, and it’s all because I decided to follow Jesus – letting Him make me into the person He wants me to be – in His image and for His glory.