My Christian testimony is about my life’s journey, my in-depth personal struggle and continual freedom I’ve come to know in Christ Jesus.
I love him with all my heart. The Lord has turned my mistakes into beautiful ones by my simple obedience and faithfulness to him. And I give him the credit every day. My journey takes place in a bedroom in my bed on the top bunk, where I slept at or around 4 years old. My parents were fighting. My brother and I were frightened because of the hollering. We were prompted to go to bed. And that night I had a dream that’s still vivid to me this day. I had a dream that I was standing on a sidewalk in a neighborhood and I saw Jesus standing on the other side of the sidewalk. And there’s a light beaming down on him. There are passers-by on his side of the sidewalk. But nobody else could see him but me. We were staring at each other. And the message I got was it’s just you and me.
About 3 or 4 years later in another town we went to church which was great because we didn’t go much. But it was nice when we did. Well, everyone was worshiping God. And I know I was young but I could feel the Holy Spirit in there cause I’d get hot. I would raise my hands and praise God like my daddy. And I would go up dancing around the church with the kids. The pastor started laying hands on us kids who desired to receive Jesus as our lord and savior. And that’s the first time I went down in the spirit. I received the Holy Ghost that night. It felt like lightning and fire running all through me. Of course, I didn’t comprehend how to truly live as a Christian but I believe God just worked through me. For instance, discerning right from wrong. And preparing me for what was ahead.
My mom was sick at the time and she died when I was 9 years old. My brother was hospitalized. And I was left home alone for a week. I was nervous and scared but very upset CYS would take me away from my home. I’d miss my father very much as well. I shut down for at least 2 months. I was barely eating and definitely not talking. I just stared at the floor. About 6 months later I was placed in another home with my brother. I started to talk some but not much. I was happy to see him. Then, we finally stayed with my aunt and I opened up. She took us to church and we had visits with our dad again. And after a year we were living with our Dad again.
We lived in a small apartment that my dad could afford but things were different. My dad struggled as a single dad and he held reading (psychic) parties. I guess I saw my dad as an individual for the first time and not just Dad. And so I started experiencing my own individuality as well. I was not fully aware of who I was and where I stood in life. So I cut my hair myself and started having independent thoughts at age 11 1/2 years old. We moved around a lot and I saw my dad become more of this person I didn’t understand. He was so different from the person who had raised me when my mom was alive. Who I saw my dad becoming had started to make me feel rejection because of the path he was taking. And I started to withdraw into forms of isolation because of things going on I didn’t understand.
My Dad was dressing like a woman, prostituting, doing drugs, giving psychic readings and holding parties every day way into the night. We were moving around a lot, there were drive-by shootings where people got hurt, drug dealers, and prostitution going on. My brother got caught up with young juveniles and did bad things. I was still saying the Lord’s Prayer every night but not fully understanding I wasn’t growing as a Christian. The only example I had was my dad but the Lord kept me in his discernment in areas he wanted. He preserved me for that very time in my life. The only two things I took from my dad’s example was individuality and growing into a feminine young lady. My dad was in and out of jail. I realize though I was losing my way—still an infant in Christ, but God was using me. My cousin had started taking me and my brother to church in need of Jesus every Sunday from our pit of sin home. I began reading my Bible more and I would pray every day for God to get me out of that bad environment. And I prayed for my family every day because we all could have died. My brother who was hanging out with juveniles and my dad who could have died in his sin.
I believe my life was dedicated to Jesus young and for a purpose, for a reason.
For he saith to Moses, I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.
Romans 9:15 (KJV)
And I believe because of my prayers and reminding my dad about Jesus’ love for us my family is still alive today. And from there on I began growing from an infant spiritually into a spiritually maturing young women who was learning from her mistakes as I grew. And to began to walk right with the lord.
For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him. For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Rom 10:12-13 (KJV)
For God hath concluded them all in unbelief, that he might have mercy upon all.
Romans 11:32 (KJV)
I’m giving glory to Jesus for writing this! Amen!