At the age of 23, I was overcome with depression, not understanding what it was I needed or was missing.
I was raised in a Christian household, and thus believed I knew God. I lived to please myself and lived my life the way I thought would make me the happiest. I had my own townhouse, as to not live at home. I limited my interaction with others, as to not be inconvenienced. I lived with my boyfriend, a statement of independence (my confession to my fear of marriage) and unknowingly to me, my declaration of unworthiness to love. Despite my best attempts at making myself happy, I found myself miserable to the point of depression.
I was no longer enjoying my independence, relationship and isolation. And again I thought I knew exactly what it was I needed- a new job and a new relationship. And so I went out in the quest to find both. My search left me depleted and even more miserable than I was before.
Finally I cried out to God, for the first time in years, in true sincerity. And He heard me and answered.
Within a few days He showed me that He did in fact want me to stay with my boyfriend. I was rather disappointed in that because I thought my happiness lay elsewhere. He then told me to quit my job, which I was happy to do believing that He wanted me to take on another job I was offered, my dream job. Alas, it was not to be.
Slowly God began working in the both of us, showing us how He wanted us to live. He also revealed the future plans He had for us. We were both amazed that God could have such a wonderful future planned for us.
Within five months, He moved us back to our hometown and sent us to volunteer full time at a children’s home I had volunteered in while I was in high school. It was also in our hometown where He led us to godly pre-marital counseling, teaching us the way He intends marriage to be. It has been close to two years since the beginning of our journey and I have found more contentment in my life than I ever have.
Two years without a salary and understanding family has been difficult, but God has continually been supplying all our needs. Learning to follow God even when others do not understand what we are doing has been challenging, but it has also shown us the faithfulness of God in our loneliness at times. He has provided us with a family of believers who encourage us in our walk.
Today we look forward to getting married, finally settling in our own home, and starting work in our own ministry, all thanks to the vision God gave us almost 2 years ago.
How great is our God!