My name is: regret, shame, pain, dirty, angry, failure, hated, forgotten. My life is full of valleys, with no mountain in sight. I haven’t seen good in so long I’m not sure it still exists. My story starts out like anybody else. For six years of my life I was the typical kid. Then life got in the way and things started changing.
When I was six I watched my great grandmother take her last breath. Four short months later, at age seven, my dad died. He died from complications from attempted suicide. I was never a “normal” kid after that. I sat alone on the floor during P.E. at school watching the other kids play begging God to just tell them I loved them.
That in itself is way too much for a seven-year old to handle all by herself. I started getting really depressed. I even went as far as attempting suicide. My heart was broken and nobody could or would help me. As time went on I came out of my depression and could see hope again. Then on January 27, 2009 my world crashed. My great aunt died. I was lost and empty. Eleven short months later tragedy struck again. My papaw died. I felt an anger start in my heart that would not soon be quenched.
On June 16, 2012 my faith was put to the test harder than before. My other papaw lost his battle with cancer. I started spiraling. I was depressed, angry, and confused. I wondered why God who is supposed to love me so much kept ruining my life. I started drinking and smoking pot daily. Curling up to a bottle was the only thing getting me through the day. I started giving myself away in pieces and slowly at first, then all at once, until I had nothing left. I looked in the mirror and saw a stranger — a tired, broken stranger. I was a mess. I was only 14 but I felt like I had lived a thousand years.
On October 20, 2013 I knew I couldn’t continue down the road I was on, so I turned to Jesus. I became a new person that day. Jesus saved me from myself. He became my life. I could finally stop fighting. After 10 years of death and pain I was exhausted. I could smile and laugh. My brokenness healed. I had hope for the future. Tragedy still came. August 17, 2014 my world came to a stop once again. My uncle who was my best friend, died. Losing him was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. It didn’t make sense; he was only 46. How could someone that I loved so much and had seen every single day really be gone? Five days later another uncle passed away. I couldn’t take it. My heart was so broken and I was so emotionally exhausted. I felt like running away and never stopping.
This time was different though. I was done running. I asked Jesus to carry me through it and he did. He still is. Because of him I have a smile on my face and a song in my heart. I have valleys, but I also have mountains. I have hope; I see the good in the bad. I am transformed. My name is: joy, peace, over-comer, remembered, redeemed, restored, loved, forgiven.
Wow so beautiful. So inspiriting. Thank you for sharing. He has given you another name too: Witness, God Witness.
I agree. I love how lives can be transformed by God.
This is awesome! Your story is incredible and so are you:)
Wonderful testimony Tammy! I too lost very precious close family members in a short space of time. What brought me through that dark time was the spiritual principal, ‘An attitude of gratitude is a healing force’. The pain will always be just below the surface, but our focus can be on the blessings that God puts into our every day lives. God releases His power through our gratitude!
Honestly, I am in tears, this is incredible. My story is so similar to yours I honestly just want to give you a big hug. This is so moving and gives me so much hope that I will keep finding the light and escaping the dark. You rock my friend, God’s got you and please keep your heart strong and just keep pushing. I have so much love for you. Good luck with the rest of your journey
awesome testamony thanks be to u lord
awesome teatimony I have been called as well for my testimony I just need help producing my story and putting it on the right stage. Any ideas please email
God’s not dead. Godbless
Wow inspiring testimony… Thanks for sharing…
I fully agree. To be with Jesus is a life of straggle and challange. After challange you will always receive blessings. We were here to full fill an assignment, to deliver gods original intent of our life to the world. We may make our plan’s but God’s will, will prevail so let us look to him in all that we do. To God be the glory. Amen.
U are a very strong person. Most people would’ve been gave up. This life is so temporary and u have to remember u came in this world by yourself and u gonna leave by yourself. Be strong brother đź’Ż
Reading this made my heart melt. Ever since i lost my granma who was like another mum to me, I lost hope in life, thinking i would never have to deal with death again at a tender age, just a week before i turned 18, my dad passed. The only dad I had known since birth, death became really. I still struggle with that pain till date. I cry like it was yesterday, i drink and smoke pot to try forget some stuff but that is not how i wish to continue. I pray one day, I get comfort like you did. Am happy that you don’t have to go through what I still find hard to deal with.
Hey,
I just wanted to encourage, iam very sorry for your loss and losing your father. I want to encourage you to open up your heaft right now to see and experience God as your father now. For he is the God of the fatherless and he places the lonely into families. He has so much healing for you. I see your heart being strengthed and coming to life as you begin to open your heart and ask God to come in and father you. Also engage with the holy spirit daily as he is our comforter in times of need.
Father I ask in Jesus name that you would be a real and present help to this child of yours in her time of need, draw her into intimacy and fellowship with your spirit. Bring full healing.
Amen.
God loves you so much.I hope ur grandma and dad died in the Lord they are happy in a much better world than this looking down from above, they would want you to live live to its fullest filled with joy and happiness.”Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses [who by faith have testified to the truth of God’s absolute faithfulness], stripping off every unnecessary weight and the sin which so easily and cleverly entangles us, let us run with endurance and active persistence the race that is set before us, [looking away from all that will distract us and] focusing our eyes on Jesus, who is the Author and Perfecter of faith [the first incentive for our belief and the 1who brings our faith 2 maturity” Heb:12;1
That’s inspiring….i have walk the same journey as you have loosing every one I love and trust.I remember onetime very angry to my gracious and merciful GOD.my only mom has passed on.I was asking HIM why GOD, why did YOU allow that to happen to me. but after accepting HIM as my LORD and SAVIOUR, i was restored and forgiven.what i.have learned is tha when GOD wants you HE will remove everything that is between you and HIM.really HIS love for us is so great and it endurance forever..halleluya..
Wow! Thank you for sharing that. I am thinking about getting baptised and don’t know what to say hence why i am reading your testimony. I am so happy to see that jesus has pulled you through even thought the hard times. He is our light when things get dark. I don’t know what to write when coming to my testimony as my life is alright and i don’t have anything bad like that which i have gone through.
God’$ love has no end dear !
amazing testimony.
The perseverence of the saints is very beautiful when lived out through the body. I’m grateful for family like you.
Beautifully written!
May God bless you with happiness and peace. I hope you continue sharing your story with more people and motivate them in their search for Christ, just like you did to me.
Reading these gives me hope too. I’m waiting and desiring God to turn my family to Himself. That the face of Elohim will shine and roll out darkness in our home, roll it off my brother who so much brought regret and bad names to the family, and my sister who lives as she wills, and on me who believing God sometimes get disturbed on when things are going to change. And on our parents who has failed many times. Things must not continue like this. Please pray for my family, we need God
God is really amazing. His plans are always better. I thank the Lord for your life and the guts to share this to everyone. Very inspiring. God bless the work of your hands.
ALL GLORY TO GOD !