Question from a Site Viewer
Is God listening to my prayers? I want to get married!
My family and I are looking for a husband for me and have been for some time. I want to get married. My family wants me to get married. We have been searching. We have found potential suitors; they have come but they have all rejected me. Why won’t God answer my prayers?
Tim’s Answer
Your culture sounds far different than the one in which I live. In my culture, the family does not find spouses for their children. Rather, young people meet each other in various forums (schools, churches, community centers, work places, parties, etc.) and begin to date and then decide for themselves whether to get married or not. This system works for most but there are a significant number of people in my culture who never find a spouse and never get married.
I do not have advice on how you can find or attract a husband. But I can let you know that by praying to God you are doing the right thing. I can also tell you that focusing your life on finding a husband ultimately will not bring you happiness. Happiness comes from focusing on Christ and seeking to be a blessing to God and to others. This does not at all detract from the desire to be married. Rather, it helps to put it in perspective. There is more to life than being married. In my culture, many people who get married ultimately find that they do not like their marriage and they get divorced. Of course, this is not pleasing to God. It is better to be single than to be married and have a bad spouse and then want out of the marriage.
I encourage you not to focus on the fact that you do not yet have a husband, but rather focus on trying to be the best person you can be before God and before your family. Study the Bible. Pray. Focus life not on what you want, but on helping others. The things that you want — your deepest desires — take them to God and tell Him about them, but then let Him know that ultimately you want what He wants for you. Then, leave your desires with God and go and and serve people. Learn to develop that meek and quiet spirit which in the sight of God is very precious. Learn to be a blessing to all. In doing so, you will become a jewel both in the sight of God and in the sight of those in your community. And you will find that your life is full and rich. As you do these things and pursue Christ, you might just be surprised what He will provide for you.
If it is any help for you, I have known many women who have never been married. God has used some single women in very powerful ways. Nevertheless, I believe marriage is a good thing and it is right to desire to be married and it is right to ask God for a good spouse. Just do not let your desire for marriage keep you from being the best person you can be before God and others.
My prayers are with you.
In His service,
Great encouraging article, however I struggle a lot in being single. I feel my many years of prayers are not being answered. I hear people who actually are married say oh just pray and read the bible…but I’m sure they cant contemplate the feeling that a single person feels…that painful longing for companion…I absolutely loathe this advise that many Christians give, that there are many single matured people serving God, whilst that maybe true. It doesn’t encourage me, almost as if its a preparation of being single for a long time. I don’t think I idolise marriage, just as people go to study and when completed…they desire to get a job and grow their talents..the pain of joblessness is the same as that of longing for a companion. I don’t idolise marriage yet I feel a great desire for marriage. Why God allow me such overwhelming desire when he don’t plan on me to be married? I can only pray to get through a day…breaks my heart.
Thanks for the comment. Many well-meaning individuals have forgotten the words of Christ that not many are able to live a life of singleness (Matthew 19:11-12). Paul also notes this situation in calling for people to live as he did, but if they are unable to maintain self-control, they should marry (1 Corinthians 7:7-9). The desire to marry is innate in most humans. I continue to encourage those who are single to focus their minds on serving Christ. Singles can have a singular focus that the married cannot, as Paul teaches in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35. Yet, this does not mean that singles should not be seeking for a spouse. One seldom finds a spouse if one does not seek. The spiritual life is an active life. We ask, seek, and knock on doors. This can seem to be intimidating, especially if your normal circle of friends and acquaintances do not include many other singles your age. But if this is so, then expand your efforts. Seek to be friends with others. Pray that God will guide you to the right person. And let your friends and family know. They can help provide guidance when you are serious about someone and they see some significant issue. I also advise that if someone comes along, do not rush into marriage. Get to know them first. Everyone has flaws and strengths. Spending a little time up front can save a great deal of heartache later. May the Lord Jesus be with you in your service to Him, including your search for a spouse.
Hi Lee, it’s 9 years since you posted this comment. Are you married now? I’m interested to know whether your prayers have been answered as I’m still waiting for God to answer mine. Thanks, Louise
I know how this feels as I’m 47 now and am still not married. I feel heartbroken as I’ve waited on God for so long and prayed for a Christian husband but there’s still no sign of one for me.