Question from a Site Viewer
Should I keep hoping that the Lord will someday bring my ex-wife back to me, or should I just go on with my life? I don’t want to marry someone else because deep down, I still love my ex-wife. I still pray for her. I have told her that I still love her and she has told me that she loves me. I don’t know what that means. If I try to talk to her, then she just ends up getting mad at me and we eventually argue. That is why I have stopped trying to communicate verbally with her although deep down, I want to.
I want to believe God for miracles. I have begged her to reconcile, but she won’t and so I have stopped asking her and now I just pray, but at what point do I stop asking for a miracle?
Sorry to hear about your situation. The hurt you feel from the divorce mirrors in some way the hurt God feels toward those who have broken covenant with Him. And I wish I could say that if you pray and seek God, that He will bring your wife back to you. We know from observing God that He does not force people to restore their relationships to Him. And He also does not force people to restore their relationships to one another. In both situations, however, God is not unresponsive to our prayers. To the contrary, when we pray He works, and His desire is for reconciliation. So we know, when we pray for reconciliation, that God will work on our behalf.
The interaction of God on people’s wills remains a mysterious thing to us. In ways that have not fully been revealed to us, God calls and pleads and is active in people to bring them back. Yet, ultimately they have their own wills and they must choose to return. We have no guarantee that the person will be responsive to God’s working. I have seem too many situations where the spouse never returned, and observed the grief of others too many times in such situations. Yet, I have also seen other situations when the spouse returned, and reconciliation was effected. In both situations, people prayed and trusted God.
As long as our hearts desire a miracle, I think we should continue to ask. And we know that He hears us when we ask. And we also are confident that He will do what we have asked, when we ask in His will. Reconciliation is His will. Thus, we should have confidence that God will work towards reconciliation. But though we have confidence in God, we have far less confidence in people. Nevertheless, the one hope we have is the working of God in their lives. Jesus encourages us to keep on asking. He gives the example of the persistent neighbor in Luke 11 and the persistent widow in Luke 18, to drive this point home. So I would encourage you to continue to pray for your former spouse and to ask God to move her heart towards reconciliation. I would also pray for wisdom to know how you can be a blessing to her when you have communications with her. Learn how to avoid arguments, to yield when possible, and to diffuse when it is not possible to yield. Live out James 3:13-18.
I also encourage you, as you seek reconciliation, that you not let your present circumstances keep you from serving God and serving others. Look for opportunities to encourage others to walk with God, and to praise and worship God. If you do so, though you may presently have sorrow over the state of your marriage, you will be building a future and a hope with God in the life to come. And as you walk with God, your own life will be transformed into the image of Jesus Christ.
I realize that it is difficult in your situation to join with a body of believers. However, wherever you are, I encourage you to make the effort to find others who are believers. Then seek to build into their lives. In doing so, you will be doing the will of the Father.
May the Lord Jesus be with you and may His Holy Spirit guide you in all ways.
a fellow pilgrim