Question from a Site Viewer
I am terrified that I have either fallen away or committed blasphemy of the Holy Spirit as the Spirit was trying to lead me to salvation. I know that I need Jesus in my life but am terrified that I am beyond repentance. I think I have lost my salvation.
I accepted Jesus as a teenager and have been an active Christian, serving the Lord, for years. But lately I have felt promptings from God that I need Jesus in my life. I didn’t understand and I argued with God about it, because I was active in the church, serving God and serving others.
The promptings from God subsided suddenly. I have been terrified ever since that I’ve lost my salvation. It has been over a year. I keep asking myself if God gave me over to a reprobate mind because I did not heed His call to salvation (Romans 1:28). I think about death and hell and no longer enjoy life. Is Hebrews 10:27 being fulfilled in my life? I am totally depressed. I am not eating right. My hygiene is bad. I am lazy and unmotivated. Life seems useless. I lost my job. I cannot sleep. I live in constant fear of condemnation.
I used to believe a person had until death to choose Jesus. Now I believe that a person can lose their chance for salvation. I think I have blasphemed the Holy Spirit. If I hadn’t, why do I feel so dead inside and rejected by God?
Am I really damned or is this a trick from the devil?
I have lived long enough to know that a person cannot trust their thoughts or feelings. We may feel that we are saved and are not. We may think we are saved and are not. We may feel that we are lost and are not. We may think we are lost and are not. Our relationship simply is never based on our feelings. Many of the saints of old felt that God had abandoned them, or had become their enemy. Read Job 19, or Lamentations 3, or many of the Psalms. But He had not. Faith is counting God to be true to His promises even when one’s thoughts and feelings do not support that position. As the great apostle John says so well, if our hearts condemn us God is greater than our hearts and knows all things (1 John 3:20). Thus, we do not trust in our feelings, but we trust in God.
I also know that when evil thoughts get into our lives, it is difficult to get them out. Our brains are wired so that what we think about is what we eventually do or become. The more we allow our brains to dwell on matters, the more easily those thoughts dash to the surface of our thinking. We become slaves to what we choose to let our minds consider. The great way of overcoming bad thinking patterns is to renew our minds with Scripture. Memorization forces the mind to create new neural paths. Learning is key to new ways of thinking. This is why it is critical that we take to heart the admonition of Paul to think on good things (Philippians 4:8), to set our minds on things above (Colossians 3:2), to be transformed by the renewing of the mind (Romans 12:2). These are things we are commanded to do.
Now the question of whether you are saved I cannot answer for you, but I can tell you what Scripture says. Scripture states that whoever calls on the name of the LORD will be saved (Romans 10:13). Have you called? If you have, do you think His promise is true? More importantly, are you counting on His promise to be true? Faith is rolling ourselves over on another. Will you trust Him on this issue? When your mind comes and tells you that you are not saved, you need to remind yourself that He made a promise to you–if you call you will be saved. Having called, you are saved. We must trust Him!
Perhaps I am reading your question wrong, but it seems that it portrays an almost fatalistic approach to faith. I know that there are segments within Christianity that teach that God must give us our faith. I do not know if this is part of the teaching you have received. I note that theologians disagree on this point, with strong arguments from Scriptures on both sides. But whichever side is right (and perhaps both are only partly right), Scripture is clear on this point; namely, that God commands us to repent, He commands us to believe, He commands us to love Him and He commands us to follow Him. From our perspective, we cannot expect God to force us to believe, or to obey, or to follow. We simply must believe, obey, and follow. These are things we are commanded to do. We are not without hope. God has come and brought hope to the world through the proclamation of the gospel. Whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16). God did not send His Son to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved (John 3:17). The one who believes in Him is not condemned (John 3:18). The offer of salvation comes to us. Will we receive Him (John 1:12)?
My suggestion to you is that if you have called on the name of Jesus Christ, then you now need to live differently. You need to count God to be true, stop worrying about your own salvation but trust your salvation with Him, and get about the task of doing His will. There are needs in the world that need to be met, people who need to be blessed, lives that need to be touched, kindness that needs to be shared, work that needs to be done. He has provided enough for each day for us to keep busy with His work in this world. We are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works (Ephesians 2:10). We must encourage each other to engage in good works (Titus 3:8). We want even those who speak ill of us to see our good works and glorify God in the day of visitation (1 Peter 2:12). We have a position of being His beloved ones. We have a calling to be His ambassadors, to represent Him well. Time is too short to sit around and mope about ourselves. No good servant ever focuses on his own needs. This is the point of Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount. We need not worry about what we eat, drink or have for clothing. But we must seek first God’s kingdom and His righteousness. Those who hunger and thirst for righteousness will be filled. As God told Cain, if we do what is right, will we not be accepted?
I encourage you to stop worrying about being saved and start serving Him. As God taught Peter, in every nation whoever fears Him and works righteousness is accepted by Him (Acts 10:35). There are two great aspects to living the Christian life. The first is that we stay in tune with God. We need to listen to His Spirit, to take time personally to worship (adore) Him, and to praise Him. God is seeking worshipers (John 4:23) and He is well pleased with the sacrifice of praise (Hebrews 13:15-16). I suggest that throughout your day that you take time to stop and praise God for something, anything, everything. Keep God always in your thoughts. Communicate with Him always. The second great aspect is serving others. Even as Jesus did not come to be served, but to serve, so we are sent as servants into the world. Be a servant. But be a servant sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit. Learn not to lean on yourself even as you serve, but learn to lean on the Spirit. Always ask Him what He wants you to do; ask for His guidance. And then live life trusting that He is guiding you. He is faithful to do what we ask, when we ask for these things that are His will.
If you follow these instructions, your life will be changed and you will honor God and find Him once again close with you. Being with Christ is not some mystery. It is simply a matter of trust and walking every moment of every day in His presence, transforming our minds to do His will. I know that it may take some time for the feelings of closeness with God to return. This is because you have been so long in a wrong thinking pattern. Those evil thoughts will return again and again. But if you pursue what is right, over time those thoughts will diminish and you will experience greater and greater victories. And who knows, perhaps God will simply wipe those thoughts out and give you a restored mind quickly. We can always ask.
May the Lord’s Spirit guide you into His truth and welcome you to His side.