Question from a Site Viewer
I don’t even know if I was ever saved. And now I feel like I’m beyond hope. I just feel like I sinned in an unpardonable, unforgivable way. I think I crossed the line and there is no hope for me. I want to be forgiven. I want to be cleansed. I struggle with terrible thoughts. I wish I wasn’t so horrid. I believe if I told you my sin, you would say I’m guilty of the unpardonable sin. I really think that.
I believe that it is when we realize that we ourselves are no better than others, that our sin is as offensive to God as any other sin in the world, that then we begin to understand our desperate need for Him and His great grace in coming to us. He does not come to us because we are good, but because we need deliverance. Eternal life is solely because of His grace. When we stop looking at our own righteousness, or lack thereof, and turn solely to Him, we will find our salvation in Him. I know you have stated that you had come to Him for salvation earlier in life, but I think we should always continually come to Him. This is what Christ teaches in John 6:35. I tell people to come early and often. Come and seek rest in Him.
As for the corruption in your thoughts, the thinking patterns in the brain are not instantly changed by coming to Christ. This is why God commands us, as followers of Him, to change those patterns. If the change was automatic, there would be need for God to command us to take control of our thoughts. But God commands us to renew our minds (Romans 12:2). He commands us to set our minds on things above (Colossians 3:2). He commands us to think about good things (Philippians 4:8). He commands us to put off sin and put on righteousness (Romans 6:11-19). These are commands that come to us as children of God. He expects us to obey these commands and He has sent His Spirit to empower us to do them. Paraphrasing G. K. Chesterton, the Christian life has not been tried and found wanting, but it has been found difficult and left untried. It takes discipline and self control to live the Christian life and reform our minds.
But let me encourage you with this. Our work is to draw close to God. When we do this, He will provide all of the strength and power we need to reform our minds.
As I have told many people, we draw close to God by memorizing and meditating on His word, by prayer and praise in our everyday lives, and by serving others as He has taught us. It is rather simple, though requiring vigilance. Pleading with God for others helps transform our lives into lives of love focused on being His hands and feet in a world that needs His touch.
I know at the beginning it will feel awkward. You will feel like a hypocrite in praising God when your mind is telling you that God does not love you. But we praise first from the will, and then from the heart. Where our will leads us, our hearts will follow. The same is true of our prayers and actions. We first submit our wills to Him and do what He commands. As we do this, over time we will find that as we seek Him, our hearts will be drawn to Him and we will find ourselves ever more emotionally grateful for His love, forgiveness, grace, and kindness to us.
May your journey towards God become ever more exciting and rewarding.