Question from a Site Viewer
I am dealing with some deep rooted issues. I was a former drug addict in marijuana and drinking all the way to crack cocaine. I started soon after I was saved at age 15. I am now 21 and sober for 5 months. I was getting off drugs when I heard a voice in my mind telling me F*%! the Holy Spirit. I was tormented. To make the story short I found Matthew 12:31 which tells about the unpardonable sin or eternal sin. The same voice led me out of impulse to curse the Holy Spirit . . . I felt so doomed and betrayed about what I had done because Jesus said He would never forgive you for speaking against the Holy Spirit. So, that one day last month I was without hope and alone. I deliberately cursed the Holy Trinity saying, “F*#! you Holy Spirit, Jesus, God, and the Trinity.” I even said, “Satanic Jesus.” I even said that the Holy Spirit was in Satan. I called the Holy Spirit evil and bunch more names. I even told Satan that I would give him my soul, that I wanted him to be my god if he would make the voices or insults stop. I believe in Jesus. Who am I not to believe if even demons believe and tremble? But what’s the point of faith if He said in 3 gospels I couldn’t be forgiven? And the thoughts still run through my head every day. I feel Satan tormenting me, trying to make me curse out the Holy Ghost again. I have a dvd where an ex-satanist says that they have to blaspheme the Holy Spirit and deny Him. Maybe you can help get out of this dark bed of doom.
When our minds have been given over to evil for a significant period of time, it is a long and difficult journey to transform them into pure and holy minds. The evil that is there will continually seek to assert itself. But, we can overcome the evil thought patterns if we are willing to fight the good fight in our minds. It is our privilege to refocus our minds on the things that are pure, good, holy, and right (Philippians 4:6). These wars are not won in a day or two, or even a month or two. To develop new habits of thinking take considerable time. But it is a worthy task. I encourage you to redouble the fight. Even though you may have lost a battle or two, you have not lost the war. Begin reading Scripture. Memorize Scripture. Think about Scripture. And pray always. Also, find a good church and get into fellowship with other strong believers in Christ. These are the steps to changing the way one thinks.
You are concerned that you may have committed the unpardonable sin. You have spoken ill of the Holy Spirit. I am glad that you recognize that one should not curse God. In cursing God, you have given in to the sin within you and to the enemy. But this does not mean that you are lost forever. God tells us that if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. My encouragement to you is to seek His mercy, commit yourself to pursue after Him to the end of your life, and to not let sin have dominion over you. A good passage to read is Romans 6 through 8.
If cursing the Holy Spirit was the unpardonable sin Jesus spoke about, then many of us would have no hope of Christ. While among scholars there is a great deal of debate as to what constitutes the “blasphemy of the Holy Spirit” spoken of by Jesus in Matthew 12:31-32, Mark 3:28-30, and Luke 12:10, I believe it certainly means something other than cursing the Holy Spirit. The great Apostle Paul, before He came to Christ, certainly did not believe that the works of the Holy Spirit were of God. He actively opposed Christ and blasphemed God (1 Timothy 1:13). When Stephen was filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the words of God, Paul (then called Saul) did not ascribe those words to God (Acts 7:55-8:1). If anyone blasphemed the Holy Spirit in the sense of ascribing the works of the Spirit to Satan, Paul did. Yet, he obtained forgiveness. I tend to believe that the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit Jesus had in mind in the Matthew, Mark, and Luke passages is the hardening of the heart against the presence of the Spirit to the extent that one dies without ever acknowledging the work of the Spirit in Christ. This is what the Jews of Jesus’ time did, and Christ said that the Gentiles would gain the kingdom of heaven before they did. Christ also said that their father was the devil because they rejected the Son whom God had sent (see John 8:37-47). But whether I am right or not about what Jesus meant when He spoke of blaspheming the Holy Spirit, I know that these three passages do not annul the great promises of God to receive all who will come to Him; to receive those who are of a broken and penitent heart; and to love freely those who come to Him. I also know that even when God has pronounced judgment on a person or nation, when that person or nation seeks God in repentance, God will forgive. It is His very character to turn away from wrath to mercy. This is the lesson of Jonah. It is also the lesson of Joel 2:12-14; see also Jeremiah 18:7-10. God responds favorably to all who seek Him.
So I encourage you to pursue God, despite these recent setbacks in your walk. God, who called you out of darkness into His great light, has mapped out a plan to conform you into the image of Jesus Christ. Engage in the battle. Take up the armor of God. Every day, add to your faith virtue, add to virtue the knowledge of God, add to knowledge self-control, add to self-control perseverance and to perseverance godliness and to godliness brotherly kindness and love (2 Peter 1:5-8). These are the building blocks for a transformed mind.
I am concerned about the voices you speak about in your email. It is possible that the voices simply represent evil thoughts that are present in all of us. If so, when they come we should simply choose to think about other thoughts. While this can be a difficult struggle, it is a worthy struggle. Part of self-control is gaining the control over our mind, so that we decide what we think about rather than let our minds decide for us. Often, we have let our minds become flabby and we let our thoughts control us. We need to reassert control over our minds. We need to exercise our minds to be disciplined to think about the things we choose. A good way to do this is to memorize Scripture. This may be very hard at first. But if you simply repeat the verse over and over, you will both get it memorized and at the same time begin to exercise your mind to think on good things. As Scripture says, we need to set our minds on things above, and not on things on this earth (Colossians 3:1-3). It may take a year or more, but by choosing to think about the good, you will find that the bad will fade into the distance. Though evil thoughts can always resurface as long as we are in this life, once we learn how to put them aside and focus on Jesus and on helping and praying for others, we will have the victory over such evil thoughts.
It also is possible that the voices may represent a malfunctioning of the physical properties of the brain. If this is so, you may find appropriate medication to be most useful. Paul told Timothy to take a little wine for his stomach’s sake and his many illnesses. God is not against using medicine, and often provides medicine for the benefit of people. Thus, medical doctors have been used greatly by God in many countries of the world.
I have friends who have struggled with voices and have never been able to gain the victory until they were able to stay on proper medication. With the medication, they have lived most noble and godly lives, being a blessing to God and to others. Some initially struggled with whether it was proper to take medication for what seemed to them to be mental issues. But, in my mind, if the condition is treatable by medication, then it is not a mental problem but a physical problem. It has to do with the connections in the brain. Such medicine is no different than the chemotherapy I take in my ongoing battle with cancer. So, if the voices are persistent, I encourage you to seek some help from a good doctor.
My prayers are with you. May you always pursue Christ and come to know the victory that Christ has gained at the cross. And may the God of grace grant you His peace and love.
A fellow servant of Christ,