So, here I am. I’m a person, trying to share her Christian story. If people knew me, they would know that I’m still a kid. And if I talk to them, they might think that I don’t really know what I’m saying. Most of the time, I kept quiet at it, and only brought it up when talking to other devoted Christians. When I wrote this, that was the day when even if I remained totally anonymous, my story will be out there, and people will truly believe.
Okay, since I’m still a kid, I haven’t lived a lot of years yet, and maybe I have more of a giant story to unfold. Even though I still know the beginning of it.
When I was a lot smaller, since around six years I think, I wasn’t that “in” with God. I mean, I casually accepted it and didn’t shun more devoted people away, but I easily found joys in other things and thought that church was boring. When I was eight, I even had a visual dream of Jesus Christ, but I thought nothing of it and continued on the years.
People would consider me a normal kid. I wasn’t in a gang, I didn’t self-harm, do drugs or do anything of a sort. When I was eleven though, something happened. It wasn’t instant at all. The change didn’t happen in a dream, or just in one day. It was simply very gradual.
It started by me watching TV, then finding a documentary of how people would try and interpret the revelation. It bugged me so much that they didn’t show more of the parts I wanted, and after watching multiple episodes of those, I just read the Revelation itself in the Bible. At first, it was just interesting how big things are at the end of time. I kept on thinking about it, and then I kept on re-reading it, over and over and over again. After the first few times, I was just plain scared of it. I was terrified that the end of the world could come so suddenly and at any time. I was terrified that people were going to be killed for their faith. I was even more scared at the thought that people of any nation and age, if truly wicked, would be tormented painfully until the end of days. Beware that I read and re-read only when it started with the seven seals up until the very end.
It also kept on saying warnings for the wicked people. The words felt powerful. Whatever mood I was in, when I start reading those words, my thoughts shift until my mind would be reeling on the events of the end.
I even came to a point to where I even questioned myself. “Am I wicked? Am I gonna be saved? What if God leaves me?” I didn’t want the fate of those souls. I even have nightmares at the very mention of “Revelation.” If I recall, there was even a dream with Satan’s presence. I won’t go much into that, but I knew that there was no dream that could relate to the fear I was feeling. With the darkness. With even Satan’s terrifying voice saying that he knew who I was, and warning not to disobey him. He even said goodnight before I woke up in the morning. It hardly felt like reality. It felt so strong, so clear in my dream.
I didn’t want it again. I was scared again. I needed a true escape of that fear. I looked to the Revelation again, except only at the good parts. I was trying so hard to picture it; I didn’t want to feel fear. I was confused. So, with desperate need for reassurance, I tried the best solution I could at my age. Google.
Now, don’t be quick to make any judgements. I looked at how people understood Jesus’ second coming. It said that if you are a good Christian, you don’t have to worry about any of the harm being done, and that even if you are tested, your faith will stand through and you will be untouched by the devil. And even if you were killed physically, he couldn’t touch you spiritually. I wanted that. I wanted to be away from the devil. When I read the second part of the revelation more and more, I learned that there isn’t another way to be saved. If I wanted to be away from Satan, I have to be with God. There is no other way, really.
I don’t remember exactly when, but when I read the part about how God and his people will be together again soon, I felt the reassurance I needed. In the end, there would be no sin, no agony or pain. Just pure happiness and love with God. I felt happy to understand that no matter what happens in my life now, I have to learn to be faithful to God.
I wondered about my sins too. I began to feel how many sins I really committed in my life. Eventually, I ventured into other parts of the Bible. I
learned that there was a time when people constantly made animal sacrifices for the sins they committed. Then, Jesus came into the world. He was then crucified and sacrificed for the sins of the world. All of them. I made the connection why he was the LAMB of GOD. He was the sacrifice. He SAVED us. And now, I am living in a time in which if you feel sorry for your sins, and I mean truly sorry for them, you would be reminded that God forgives you. He really does.
I prayed to God then. I wanted to be made into a better Christian. To help me learn and be faithful. I wanted it to be my life. I didn’t want to stray at all. I learned that God was the only One that can wipe away your tears, your sadness and worries. He will provide you with true happiness. He will be the true path.
I don’t know how life-changing my story was to you, because after a lot of Bible-reading and praying, these became things that I just knew. Yet, even now, God is still guiding me in my life.
Look, if you pay attention hard enough, the faith of God is always there. God is there for you. He knows your problems, your pain and worries. When that time comes, whole-heartedly ask God to help you. He has always given an answer, even if you don’t know it. Never think you are too bad for the LORD. He will forgive you. You will be given a clean slate. You are loved. Blessed.
I pray that whoever sees stories like this will keep an open heart. And that they will change. God is there at your door–will you invite him in?