My name is Katherine, and I would like to share my Christian testimony with you. My testimony may be nothing that stands out in comparison with some other people’s life stories. However, if it compels one person to examine their life and their relationship with God, it is more than worth taking the time to write it.
I was raised in a Christian home with a very influential and loving mother and a loving, but backslidden and controlling father. When I was six years old I asked Jesus to come into my heart and be my savior. I made this decision after I asked my mom what was required of me to go to heaven. From this point on, I believed in Jesus as my savior and I trusted that my life was in God’s hands. I had a lot of exposure to God’s word, because I attended a Christian elementary school, and I often talked to my mom about God, as well as going to church pretty regularly.
However, at some point around early adolescence, rebellion started brewing in my heart. The more I fed angry, negative thoughts about my family, God, and my life, the more the rebellion started to take root. I had a lot of anger toward my father in particular. He was often critical, overly controlling, and negative and I began to resent his discipline in my life. I always knew that he loved me very much throughout my entire life, and we had a very close bond; however, as I grew older, I hated having to answer to him and defend myself against his continuous criticism. My rebellion against my parents and God started out as a means to freedom from these feelings of inadequacy and as a result of anger, but quickly turned into a lifestyle. I started smoking weed regularly and I pretty much gave up my relationship with God by the age of 15. I also started making friends with the wrong people through my job and through school, which quickly led me into the drinking and party scene by age 16. One can guess what other types of sins were involved with this lifestyle. I began to experiment with some harder drugs, as well as become intimate with a couple of guy “friends” during this period. My conscience and God’s gentle nudging would never let me completely deny God, however I didn’t desire a relationship with him, nor did I desire his guidelines.
Occasionally during my adolescence I would call out to God in times of need. Once I became very close to being in a terrible car wreck and God saved me miraculously. I thanked him briefly, but went right back to forgetting about him soon after. He also cared for me during extreme illness. One time I had a fever of almost 105 for three days straight. He protected me and cared for me, but I went right back to my old ways once I felt better. My lifestyle and rebellion made me completely selfish and often depressed with a constant empty feeling, but I was unwilling to change and go back to God, because I did not want to give up my sinful pleasures nor admit I was wrong. This pattern of abusing God’s mercy continued throughout my teenage years and into my early twenties.
On one particular evening while I was still only in high school, I cried out to God in overwhelming emptiness, loneliness and sadness. I had recently given up many of my so-called friends out of a desire to have a more meaningful life and to try to become a better person. I told God I was sorry for ignoring him and I asked for forgiveness for my sins. I told him I was lonely, and I knew that none of the male friends I had known were right for me. My best friend of seven years had also just given up our friendship and I felt desperately alone for the first time I could ever remember. Looking back I realize this was most likely all in God’s plan to get me to where I needed to be. I pleaded with God through tears to bring someone into my life to love me unconditionally and bring me companionship. Little did I know at the time, that God would answer this prayer almost immediately in his love and goodness although I did not deserve it one bit! Not six months later, I became friends with the nicest and most upright guy I had ever met. We quickly became close, and I began to sense God’s work in our relationship. Matt was sweet, gentle, and not at all rebellious. He was much more stable than I was, and he loved God. Matt and I got married right after we both graduated from college. He is the husband God had planned for me all along, despite my rebellion. My relationship with Matt was wonderful, and I became much more settled due to his influence but I was still not in the right place spiritually. In spite of all of this, I still would not turn my life over to God! He had given me exactly what I asked for and I continued to disobey him and ignore him. The most accurate place I was in was probably “lukewarm,” if even that. This is not a good place to be. God says in Revelations 3:16:
So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth.
I went on like this for several months after we were married. I could sense more and more that God was very persistent in trying to get my attention. I would always feel guilty after I got drunk or did something else I knew was a blatant sin, and I constantly feared what would happen if I were to die tomorrow. In fact, I hated anything to do with death. I would practically start crying anytime I even thought of dying, which was relatively often. This was because deep down I knew the truth of where I would go, and it scared me beyond words. I no longer believe the teaching that some Christians hold – “once saved always saved.” God would very clearly show me in a short time where I would go if I continued in my indifference towards him.
Several months ago, God began to bless me with spiritual dreams and even a vision. My first dream was very much of a wake-up call to me. I also knew it was from God instantaneously. In this dream, I was eating dinner with my family when the United States came under serious attack, and I knew immediately that we were going to be killed in some sort of war. I screamed and began panicking and begged my family to start praying with me that we would be made right and be forgiven in God’s eyes. As we all knelt down to pray a “deafening silence” overtook the dream and then it went black. I knew we were transitioning from this life to either heaven or hell. In my second dream, just a couple weeks later, I had to attend my own wedding, but I kept getting distracted by others and I wasn’t ready to be the bride that evening. I knew in this dream I had already been married to Matt and so I knew this had to be for something else. I started to despair because I was not ready for my groom and for the celebration which was in just a few short hours. A stranger came to me and said: “It does not matter what you are doing now, you must drop it and focus on being ready for your wedding and your groom this evening. These plans have been made for a long time. The invitations have already been sent out. There is nothing you can do to push it back. Make sure you are prepared. All that matters is that you be ready at the appointed time.” These two dreams were so standout to me, because I almost never have dreams in great detail, let alone being able to remember in detail what was said! I know God was saying I must be ready to be Jesus’ bride soon, and I have to be ready to face what is after life on this Earth. A vision I had shortly after this dream (the only one I have ever had) was a glimpse of a terrible battle going on for my soul as well as other peoples’ souls. It brought me to total fear. I could see and sense in this vision a total urgency from God for people to wake up. The amount that is lost when a soul is taken by Satan is indescribably painful to God and the person deceived. It is a real battle, and few believe it is true. It scared me to my senses, and this is when I finally “woke up” fully to how I had been living, and I realized that it had to change. Praise God for being so patient and persistent with me when I was such an undeserving fool! I can say with one million percent certainty I will never go back this time! God has my full attention, and I am so glad he does!
Ever since that day I have been walking with God in a new spiritual awareness. I try to spend time in devotion with The Lord every day. I ask for forgiveness for my sins, and I ask God to show me his will. I also try to intercede for others who are lost like I was such a short time ago. This is extremely important, and it does make a big difference even if it doesn’t seem like it. People do get saved with God’s persistence and through people’s prayers. I fervently believe it was my mom’s constant prayers for me that made such a difference in my life. God does answer prayers. He wants to spend eternity with you, and he wants you to pray for others! I have had several other divine happenings since I have come to fellowship with God. He is ABSOLUTELY REAL and Satan will do everything in his power to keep people from believing! Please don’t separate yourself from God for all eternity! Seek him with all your heart and you will find him!
This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.
1 Timothy 1:15