As a child I struggled with being a good kid, and from there I endured pain that no child should have ever endured. I was child abused at the age of 6, molested by a family member whom I thought I could trust, and from there I was taken away from my parents for 4 years by the child protective services.
I was returned to my parents 4 years later. I was different; I learned a lot but still didn’t know God. I was still lost and searching, so as years pasted by I knew I needed Him just couldn’t understand why I was compelled to follow Him.
But at the age of 18 I was gang raped by one of my cousin’s boyfriends and his friends, held captive for 24 hours, then they released me. But I still felt empty inside and that made my circumstances worse. On top of all that I became homeless at 18. I had nowhere to stay because my mom had put me out when she found out that I was pregnant.
I struggled to accept that God was real or that even cared about me. So I kind of drifted through life until one day, I was at my lowest and I asked God, “If you truly love me, care so much about me then please save me from myself.” Not instantly but at the time I was asking God this very crucial request I was in the midst of committing suicide because I felt that was all I ever deserved (heart-ache, disappointment, abuse, neglect). But God had a better plan for me and as time passed I learned to forgive others for what they had done to me.
I learned that God just wanted what was best for me. Now, today, after 5 years I’ve been drug free, and have had no suicide attempts, but I still struggle with accepting myself. And I’m a Christian, have been for almost 5 1/2 years and still have a long way to go. God is so awesome. He can change anyone’s circumstances but we have to believe and have faith that God will come through for us in our good and our bad moments. Even when everything seems to be dark and there seems to be no light,remember that Christ is the light and that we must hold on to God’s Word.