I was raised in a very loving family and I praise God for that blessing. My parents are both Roman Catholic and that is what I was brought up in as a child but growing up I always knew somehow that there was something off about that system. I knew that there was something not right about it and whenever I would go to church with my family I would just feel very uneasy by what was taking place with their rituals and ceremonies.
I did know that God was real and that He existed. I didn’t need anyone to tell me; I just knew in my spirit that there was a God in heaven and I never doubted it. Even though my parents would go to church every now and then, they wouldn’t take us there much and they also rarely talked to us about Jesus so I didn’t know much about God but my conscience told me there was a God in heaven and my heart was opened up to Him. I had never read the Bible. I don’t even think we had a Bible at home growing up but something happened to me when I was about 6 years old that I later found out to be in the Scriptures.
I remember I used to have dreams/visions about Jesus Christ coming back in the clouds and whenever I would wake up from that I knew instinctively that I had just been shown how Jesus is going to come back and how many people won’t be ready at His coming. In the dreams/visions I had I saw Jesus Christ in the clouds, the sky in those dreams/visions had a reddish color and just by the sight of the Son of God the whole world started to literally tremble and I could feel how terrified and sorrowful most people were because they were not ready. Even at that age I knew that it was Jesus coming back without having any knowledge of the word of God.
Behold he cometh with clouds; and every eye shall see him, and they also which pierced him: and all the kindreds of the earth shall wail because of him, Even so, Amen.
I remember being quite a peculiar child, very inquisitive and thirsty for spiritual things. Perhaps it was the fact that I grew up with siblings much older than me that made me so attracted and interested in subjects that were beyond my years. I would mostly spend my time drawing and coming up with all kinds of different stories and playing in nature. I would ask myself so many questions about things that I saw around me. I would ask myself how all the trees and stones in nature got there, where they came from and I would also constantly ask my parents where I came from. I would always ask these questions: “Am I really here?” and “where exactly is here?”
I would look at my flesh and would see that it’s there and I’m breathing but I knew that the flesh was not me. I guess even at that young age, by the grace of God, I knew that I had an inner man and that is who I really am, not the outside flesh. It’s amazing how God works in someone’s life and how He opens the eyes to see when you are thirsting for truth!
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
When I was about 7 or 8 old war broke out in my country and we had to flee to other country for refuge. We settled in one of those countries for a few years and during that period I ended up in a Christian school that was led by some Korean missionaries. That is where I really started to get to know more about Jesus Christ because their curriculum all had a foundation in the word of God. They were teaching us the ways of the Lord and we would have Bible studies and pray and worship God. Christ was the foundation of everything that went on in that school. It was such a wonderful period in which I came to thirst more and yearn more to know Jesus. They even gave me my own Bible which I started to read very fervently and with such a hunger. I praise God for that time!
As my hunger grew for the word of God that is when all hell broke loose in my life because even though I was growing to know the Lord in that school, outside of it I didn’t have anyone to disciple me and teach me the things of God in depth. My parents, even though they professed to love the Lord, were unfortunately deceived by the Roman Catholic system, by another Jesus , another gospel and another spirit so they couldn’t help me with the questions I had.
But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtlety, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ. For if he that cometh preacheth another Jesus, whom we have not preached, or if ye receive another spirit, which ye have not received, or another gospel, which ye have not accepted, ye might well bear with him.
2 Corinthians 11:3-4
Around that time a man came into my life; he was a friend of the family who had also been my teacher in the refuge camp years before. This man had always treated me in a way that I found inappropriate. I was one of his favorite pupils and he used to come by to see us quite often and I had discerned that he didn’t have good intentions towards me. But I was afraid to tell anyone because I didn’t think they would believe me.
Unfortunately I was right about him because he took his opportunity and molested me when I was 11 years old. God has been showing me lately how Satan will do anything to get someone who is seeking to get free from his grip and who is seeking Jesus to fall. The devil is very cunning and just like the word of God says, he is a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. The devil only comes to steal, kill and destroy ( John 10:10 ) and this is exactly what he did in my life by sending that man to molest me; he stole the joy, innocence and purity that I had as a child.
From that time on I started to have a warped mind about not only myself but also about God. Just like he put thoughts of confusion, doubt and lies in Adam and Eve, the devil planted those seeds in my mind too when I got molested. I believe one of Satan’s primary methods is sexual sin/perversion, that is his way of entry to corrupt and mislead someone into going deeper into rebellion and disobedience towards God.
Adam and Eve were like innocent little children; as children we are not yet aware of sin. Before the fall, Adam and Eve walked with God in a harmonious relationship. They were innocent and pure and all they knew was God. They didn’t have a notion of sin, just like how children don’t have a notion of sin. God says that when you raise up a child in His ways then when the child is old he will not depart. But when you leave children to themselves without the authority that comes from the Father then their hearts become hardened towards the TRUTH ( JESUS CHRIST).
Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
God had given Adam and Eve specific commands to follow. He had told them to stay away from the forbidden fruit. They had to only focus on Him and what He had given them. God had warned them that if they disobeyed they would die. Before sin came into the world they only knew that which was holy, pure and good. But because they chose to disregard the commandment God had given them and to believe Satan’s lie, they now had tasted evil and had let it in to corrupt them and destroy them spiritually. God held Adam accountable because He had given the man authority over everything. The man is the one that has to watch over and be in authority over the woman and not the other way around. But Adam abdicated the authority God gave him when he listened to his wife and followed her instead of leading her. The original plan of God was for the man to not only be the head of the woman but to also lead her and their offspring in the ways of the Lord. However, the man became weak and started to rid himself of his responsibility and sin has truly corrupted everything from the core. That is why we all need to be born again — because we’ve all fallen short of the glory of God.
Wives submit yourselves unto your husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word.
Disobedience to the Almighty God has serious consequences and God doesn’t tolerate sin at all. He knows what it does to us and our relationship with Him. This is why we have to repent and renounce all sin and be converted to be like children to enter the kingdom of God. No wonder Satan likes to attack and corrupt children and take away their innocence! This is the reason sexual sin has become rampant in our society; we constantly hear about pedophilia, homosexuality and all kinds of sexual perversion getting out of hand. This is all the work of the devil to keep the world in rebellion against God.
We were born in a fallen sinful world and that’s why we must be born again — not hide anymore in the darkness but come to the Light. Jesus Christ is the only one who can redeem us from the bondage of sin!
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son, into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.
After I got molested I fell into a depression that I kept hidden from everyone around me. I also kept quiet about what had happened to me. I also slowly drifted away from God; I wasn’t seeking Him anymore and I instead I was becoming very self-conscious and introverted. I started to get panic attacks and it was only by the grace of God that I found the strength to keep going on and pushing through even though I felt so lost, torn apart and miserable.
A few years later we had moved again to a different country and I had managed somehow to put what had happened somewhere in the very back of my mind. I was trying to live my life and then the man reappeared in my life when I was 15 years old and that is when everything I had suppressed came back as a flood and the spirit of heaviness came upon me like never before. It also came with a spirit of self-harm, self hatred and rebellion. The latter, later on, would lead me into witchcraft.
From the age of 15 to around the age of 20 I was dealing with not only depression but also with anorexia. Now the anorexia after a while took a life of its own and I was living according to its dictates. I remember one time describing what anorexia was to me to a psychiatrist and back then I didn’t know that I was exposing it for what it really is — a demon.
I remember describing it as a vampire sucking my life force away from me and taking me over completely; that is what that demon does. The society we live in also promotes this demon by the standards that they put on women — how women are supposed to look according to the worldly standards etc.
And there is even a very dangerous cult that has come out of this which is called Pro-ana which is short for pro anorexia and it lures not only girls but even boys or women and men who might be really sick and battling an eating disorder by presenting it as a lifestyle.
There is a demon behind that movement. The people in this cult not only give tips and tricks on how to live this “lifestyle” but they also worship a goddess they call Ana. They have a creed and prayers to this demon! At a certain point I believed the lies this demon was telling me. It told me that it was my friend and it taught me how to lie and deceive everyone around me so that I could continue to feed it. This demon completely distorts your body image. You can no longer see; this demon drains you mentally, physically and spiritually ! Mentally it is constantly tormenting you with all these thoughts of self-harm and self-hatred and physically you are wasting away and it keeps you focused on your flesh rather than the spirit. There are certain prayers the people in this cult actually ignorantly recite to this demon and all those prayers are perversions and blasphemous. There is a prayer that resembles the Lord’s prayer which of course has been perverted and another one is a perverse version of Psalm 23.
So not only does this demon bring a spirit of self-hatred, confusion and rebellion but it is also leading so many people into idolatry. Jesus is the Great Physician; He is the only one that can deliver you from this demon and so many other demons that you might have opened doors to whether consciously or unconsciously! This is one of the demon Jesus Christ has delivered me from and now is giving me eyes to see and understanding on what this demon is and what it does in a person.
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
And they came over unto the other side of the sea, into the country of the Gadarenes. And when he was come out of the ship, immediately there met him out of the tombs a man with an unclean spirit, who had his dwelling among the tombs; and no man could bind him, no, not with chains: because that he had been often bound with fetters and chains, and the chains had been plucked asunder by him, and the fetters broken in pieces: neither could any man tame him. And always, night and day, he was in the mountains, and in the tombs, crying, and cutting himself with stones. But when he saw Jesus afar off, he ran and worshipped him, and cried with a loud voice, and said, What have I to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of the most high God? I adjure thee by God, that thou torment me not. 8 For he said unto him, Come out of the man, thou unclean spirit.
As I mentioned I was also dealing with a spirit of rebellion which led me to seek out people and things that fed that spirit even more. Around the age of 17 I started to get into the goth scene and I met a lot of people that fascinated me. I was being drawn to darkness and had a fascination for the things that are shocking, provocative and down-right rebellious. I became interested in vampires and creatures of the night, started going out to parties (which was something I wasn’t interested in before) that promoted vampirism and witchcraft and after a while I had surrounded myself with people who were witches and satanists.
I became so bewitched by them, especially one guy that had completely mesmerized me. This person was very intelligent, charismatic and quite a gentleman who was a proud satanist. And just like his father the devil he was cunning, subtle and deceptive so I never realized how absolutely bewitched I was by him.
Because my goal was to rebel against all kinds of authority, that is what was in my heart at that time and I was looking for my identity in the world and all the wrong places . I naturally attracted that which was like me; I welcomed and embraced that spirit of rebellion and all who were operating under it in my life. By rebelling against parental authority I was unaware that I was first and foremost rebelling against God. Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft;that is what the word of God says.
For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.
1 Samuel 15:23
An evil [man] seeketh only rebellion: therefore a cruel messenger shall be sent against him.
So needless to say I became so open to witchcraft around that time. The devil is out there to lead every soul astray and away from getting back into a relationship with God and when you open the door for him (which began by rebellion with me) you make it easier for him to lead you in the ways of destruction.
Satan’s method’s haven’t changed. He still comes in with subtlety and presents you with what pleases your flesh, and once you believe his lies, he’s got you. Only through the blood of Jesus Christ can that yoke be broken. If it wasn’t for God’s grace and mercy by convicting me of my sins and bringing me to a point of brokenness I would’ve still been in the claws of Satan and I would’ve ended up being destroyed. The devil was destroying me slowly and he used various means and his ministers to keep me in his web of deception and lies ready to devour me.
But praise the Lord; even when I was rebelling against him and had completely turned my back on Him, He was so long-suffering and merciful towards me and He kept on calling me and drawing me near to Him. God gives us time to repent and His mercies are new everyday but we must not take it for granted and keep going our own ways which always leads to destruction.
The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is long-suffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.
2 Peter 3:9
Jesus died on the cross, He shed His blood for our sins, and He was buried and on the third day He rose again. Jesus conquered death and sin by His resurrection and those who believe on Him also conquer sin in this life and will also be resurrected unto life everlasting having conquered death.
Repent and believe the gospel!
For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9