Question from a Site Viewer
I had sex with another man. I need forgiveness!
I checked out gay porn then started fantasizing about men then, unfortunately, I had sex with another man. I feel as if I’m God’s enemy and that He will never forgive me. I regret this action and I’m so lost.
Yours is a question we get a lot, although perhaps the circumstances may differ. The answer is that sexual immorality, like other sins, are offenses against God. We all sin. We all are capable of great evil against God. It is precisely because we sin that we need a savior. Your sexual immorality both in your mind and in your action is the same type of sin as someone else who fantasizes about heterosexual sex. Both are anathema to godliness. It is good to recognize this. It is good to know that thinking about other men in sexual ways is sin, as is giving oneself over to sexual thoughts towards women to whom we are not married.
Yet, our sin does not annul the mercy and grace of God. Where our sin abounds, His grace super-abounds (Romans 5:20). Like the prodigal son, there is a path home for each of us and a warm welcome into the arms of a loving Father (Luke 15:11-24). By acknowledging our sin and committing our bodies, thoughts, and lives to please Him, we will find forgiveness and restoration to the Father.
I am concerned for you. It does not seem right that you would be engaged in such a battle so early in life. I think you know the steps downward that you took, first entertaining thoughts of relationships with men, then fantasizing about them, then engaging with such thoughts on the internet, then the physical actions. The first step was a big mistake and led to all of the others. This is the reason why Scripture has so much to say about what we think. We are told to think about things that are a pure and clean and right (Phillipians 4:8), to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:1-2), to think about things above (Colossians 1:1-3), to look to Jesus (Hebrews 12:2), and let the words of our mouth and the meditation of our hearts be acceptable to God (Psalm 19:14). Psalm 119:9-11 is a great passage for the transformation of the mind.
I pray that you will not let this episode define you, but rather that you will use it to understand your own weakness and the great need to strengthen yourself in Christ. As 1 Corinthians 6:13-20 states, when we come to Christ it is like a marriage. Our bodies now belong to Him. We should not take His body and join it to a prostitute, a harlot, or to anyone else. Rather, we should preserve our bodies for His use. If He leads us to marriage, then we can have a close relationship with the wife He has provided. But both inside and outside of marriage, it is good to learn self-control with regard to sexual desires. We do well not to let sexual fantasies run in our minds, but rather to bring every thought into the obedience of Christ. We are told to flee sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18). As Proverbs 6:23 states, God’s commandments are a lamp to the way of life, to preserve us from sexual sins. Do not desire them (Proverbs 6:25). Avoid the temptation to pursue sexual thoughts. I have long thought that those who give free reign to sexual thoughts are like the proverbial ox heading to the slaughter (Proverbs 7:22-23). There is much more to life than sex. In fact, I would argue, no one at the end of their days bemoans not having enough sex, but they bemoan ruined lives, lack of community, lack of meaning and purpose, and waste. We are more than animals. We can reign in our instincts and bring our lives into conformity to God’s intent through the power of the Word and the leading of the Holy Spirit.
I encourage you to return to Christ, to confess that you have sinned to Him, to shut down all roads that led to your sin, and to commit before Him to seek to serve Him with all of your life. Make your life’s ambition to follow His leading in every area of life, to be the very best representative for Him that you can be, to seek to please Him. When the thoughts of sex with men return, and they will, do not embrace them or give them place. Rather, replace them with thoughts of Christ. If you do so, you will find a rich reward both in your restored relationship with Him in this earth and in heaven above. I encourage you to memorize Scripture and meditate on it as you seek to reform your life’s trajectory.
With my prayers,
A fellow pilgrim,