I Had Sex With Another Man — Will God Forgive Me?

Question from a Site Viewer

I had sex with another man. I need forgiveness!

I checked out gay porn then started fantasizing about men then, unfortunately, I had sex with another man. I feel as if I’m God’s enemy and that He will never forgive me. I regret this action and I’m so lost.

Tim’s Answer

Yours is a question we get a lot, although perhaps the circumstances may differ. The answer is that sexual immorality, like other sins, are offenses against God. We all sin. We all are capable of great evil against God. It is precisely because we sin that we need a savior. Your sexual immorality both in your mind and in your action is the same type of sin as someone else who fantasizes about heterosexual sex. Both are anathema to godliness. It is good to recognize this. It is good to know that thinking about other men in sexual ways is sin, as is giving oneself over to sexual thoughts towards women to whom we are not married.

Yet, our sin does not annul the mercy and grace of God. Where our sin abounds, His grace super-abounds (Romans 5:20). Like the prodigal son, there is a path home for each of us and a warm welcome into the arms of a loving Father (Luke 15:11-24). By acknowledging our sin and committing our bodies, thoughts, and lives to please Him, we will find forgiveness and restoration to the Father.

I am concerned for you. It does not seem right that you would be engaged in such a battle so early in life. I think you know the steps downward that you took, first entertaining thoughts of relationships with men, then fantasizing about them, then engaging with such thoughts on the internet, then the physical actions. The first step was a big mistake and led to all of the others. This is the reason why Scripture has so much to say about what we think. We are told to think about things that are a pure and clean and right (Phillipians 4:8), to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:1-2), to think about things above (Colossians 1:1-3), to look to Jesus (Hebrews 12:2), and let the words of our mouth and the meditation of our hearts be acceptable to God (Psalm 19:14). Psalm 119:9-11 is a great passage for the transformation of the mind.

I pray that you will not let this episode define you, but rather that you will use it to understand your own weakness and the great need to strengthen yourself in Christ. As 1 Corinthians 6:13-20 states, when we come to Christ it is like a marriage. Our bodies now belong to Him. We should not take His body and join it to a prostitute, a harlot, or to anyone else. Rather, we should preserve our bodies for His use. If He leads us to marriage, then we can have a close relationship with the wife He has provided. But both inside and outside of marriage, it is good to learn self-control with regard to sexual desires. We do well not to let sexual fantasies run in our minds, but rather to bring every thought into the obedience of Christ. We are told to flee sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18). As Proverbs 6:23 states, God’s commandments are a lamp to the way of life, to preserve us from sexual sins. Do not desire them (Proverbs 6:25). Avoid the temptation to pursue sexual thoughts. I have long thought that those who give free reign to sexual thoughts are like the proverbial ox heading to the slaughter (Proverbs 7:22-23). There is much more to life than sex. In fact, I would argue, no one at the end of their days bemoans not having enough sex, but they bemoan ruined lives, lack of community, lack of meaning and purpose, and waste. We are more than animals. We can reign in our instincts and bring our lives into conformity to God’s intent through the power of the Word and the leading of the Holy Spirit.

I encourage you to return to Christ, to confess that you have sinned to Him, to shut down all roads that led to your sin, and to commit before Him to seek to serve Him with all of your life. Make your life’s ambition to follow His leading in every area of life, to be the very best representative for Him that you can be, to seek to please Him. When the thoughts of sex with men return, and they will, do not embrace them or give them place. Rather, replace them with thoughts of Christ. If you do so, you will find a rich reward both in your restored relationship with Him in this earth and in heaven above. I encourage you to memorize Scripture and meditate on it as you seek to reform your life’s trajectory.

With my prayers,

A fellow pilgrim,

i had sex with another man

20 thoughts on “I Had Sex With Another Man — Will God Forgive Me?”

  1. Thank you… but in the Bible it says it’s an abomination.. and they should be put to death… this concerns me.. will god truly forgive me? I pray he does and I pray for you all as well.

    1. God WILL forgive you if you ask and trust.

      If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
      1 John 1:9

    2. Old testament! Jesus’s was sacrifice, he paid the debt, repent and do not return to the vomit.
      Repent, fast and seek a deliverance church. Run away from sin.

  2. I too had a similar experience but I did it more than once. If it had not been for the conviction of the Holy Spirit within me I would have continued in my sinful ways. I have repented from those things but recently someone very close to me threw it in my face in a very public way and I felt myself dealing with terrible guilt,shame and self condemnation that I felt like the old me all over again. That’s how I ended up here on this site, God led me here to find the answer and remedy what I was feeling. Thank you for being obedient to God and running a website such as this. “Every person born in Christ is a new creature.” Whom the Son sets free is free indeed.”

    1. If your are still struggling with the issues. Repent, fast and seek deliverance. Once they do a deliverance, close the doors to the enemy. No more getting drunk etc. The father will lead you, following God is not a burden. The enemy will not leave you alone, read the Bible daily. The spirit is willing but is constantly at war with the flesh.

  3. I also had this experience once and never happend again.I ask forgiveness from God and hope he forgives every sinner

  4. I just found out my son has been married to another man for 2 years. I wondered why he wasn’t replying or coming around. Because he knows how i believe. I will love him always. But will God forgive him and will Jesus allow him to enter his Fathers Kingdom?

    1. Sex with man is hard to break I’m a child of god but I been suffering with this since I was 23 and now 36 but god knows are hearts sometime temptation happen but god loves us and will forgive u so don’t worry god got u like he got me confess and turn away, I’m not going to say u don’t won’t go through it again. It like that high u need to feel better once it wear down u need more but keep fighting and resisting we all sin but god loves us so much he forgives, and he knows we going to slip sometimes. As long as u not making a habit to sin for the hell of it he will forgive u and love u

  5. Read chapter 26 of leviticus, I have struggled with this as well but it says that God will forgive us and remeber his covenant with Abraham and Issic it is important to remember that this was the old covenant and that the new covenant was the one when Jesus had that supper God Bless.

  6. Thanks for this post its helpful. I have struggled with same sex attractions for over 30 years yet i have been serving in church all this long. i thought marriage was a solution but even after getting married i kept getting attracted to men . this really troubled me coz i hardly get aroused by my wife. i believed it was an abnormality since everyone else was different. in the end i ended up having casual relationships with different men but the guilt kept cropping up. I have renounced and repented several times but the memories keep trekking in . i am still fighting on am sure i will finally win in Jesus name.

  7. Thanks for the word. I am in the same situation and I feel God will not forgive me but your explanation made me believe if I ask for forgiveness and change from that God will forgive me

  8. after reading what was posted I feel a little better but not all the way I got the feeling that god might not be able to forgive me for what happened when was young when I was 13 my step dad made me have sex with him now seen I’m older I feel like god won’t be able to forgive me and when I get in church I feel even worse because what happened

  9. I found myself here after I fell flat into having sex with another man. The guilt and shame are unbearable. I feel lost and pray for God’s forgiveness and mercy in my helpless state.

  10. Have struggled with same sex attractions all my life.have had several incidents with sex with men and slept with some.worry about damnation because god hates it.why is it tempting?

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